I’m not old, just a recycled teenager.

‘Age is just a number.’

Yes it is ….but with it comes an abundance of labels and preconceptions of how we should or shouldn’t behave and where we should be in the ‘race’ for life goals.

I used to have it all planned out, and if you admit it to yourself you probably have too at some point; a life plan, whether you have been conscious of it or are just becoming aware of this, it’s scary. Expectations in life are one of the huge determinants of unhappiness. So why do we do it? I think for females (here she goes…) it can become an issue if you are single, beyond 30, and wondering about the ‘B’ word (BABY). A lot of people I know are very tradishional in their values, expectations and ideas about how to live life and that’s where this post stems from. Everyone who knows me knows I am not traditional in the slightest and always do things ‘differently’, and guess what guys? I’m doing my mid-life DIFFERENT too!

Question: Why am I writing this today? I write it because I teach at a college sixth form in Hampshire and I do get mistaken for being a student, I look young; this summer I got told I look 18, by numerous people. I admit my dress sense is not the typical adult office attire (heels included) at work, it’s just not a bit of me. So what?

I feel young, I feel like I’m 20. Not 29. I am about to slide into the big 3  0 next year and I feel a slight pressure in the ‘rat race of life’ to have achieved certain goals.

Note to self:

I have a job I enjoy. I own a flat.

But:

I have no partner. I have no children.

The truth is I do feel societal pressure to have a partner and have children at this point in my life and sometimes, on the occasion, I feel I’ve let myself and others down by my failed marriage, because if that hadn’t failed I would have a  ‘partner’ and inevitably perhaps ‘children’ down the line. I want to believe so badly that everything happens for a reason, but it goes against my core values. I make my life, only I can change it, there are no external forces making me miserable. It’s all on me. I trust it’s on me so I can do something about every situation I find myself in, it’s for my sanity.

What am I doing about my outlook on life and my turmoil with feeling like a teenager but having a nearly 30 year old label?

I am embracing how young I feel. And I really am. I have a metabolic age of a 14 year old, according to some machine at my gym (yeah ok, not completely accurate but I’m sure it’s close, I’ll take 15 years younger!) I am fit, healthy and enjoying planning a ‘gap year’ to experience a variety of places, people and cultures.

I am 20.

This diva has the right idea

feel-live

 

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