So let them go?
Deep down inside if I let myself admit it, I am holding onto a lot of blame and ‘what if’s’ concerning my behaviour towards my marriage. It’s these particular thoughts that challenge my state of mind and balance. When these feelings of sadness, regret, anger, loneliness, doubt and general disappointment wash over me I know no other way but to go through the motions. Mostly that involves an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and sadness at my current life and the way it’s turned out. Unfortunately there isn’t much I can do to change my current situation and so this process is about allowing myself to feel whatever it is that I need to feel to heal. It is painful and deeply depressing at times, most of these times are on a Sunday.
Today is a Sunday and I write this to you all as my form of my therapy today. Allowing my body to feel these emotions goes against every single survival instinct within me because it just plain hurts too much. But sometimes in life the thing we don’t want to do is sometimes the best cure. I recently went to a real eye opening talk by Jasmine Hemsley, Emine Rushton and Selda Goodwin about Ayurveda. It was an insightful and uplifting talk. Ayurveda is surprisingly something that we all do a little of already, harnessing this practise into every aspect of life is what can make it life changing. An ever working project of self care and self improvement.
One message I took away that surprised me is that we usually seek what we think we need to ‘keep in balance’ but often it is the opposite of this or the last thing we would want to eat/do/experience that can keep us in balance. This all comes back to the 3 constitutional principles.
Vata (Air + Ether)
Pitta (Fire + Water)
Kapha (Water + Earth)
For more information to find out which dosha you associate with more: http://www.jasminehemsley.com/dosha/
Since my seperation from my husband I have made myself extremely busy and as a result am really struggling to just spend time, being me, alone. The first three weeks of moving back into my empty flat after he moved out, I had a social plan every night for 3 weeks straight. There was no alone time with my thoughts.
You see, this is what I thought I needed, to keep myself super busy. But I soon realised I was just delaying the inevitable. This healing process is a one way street, and I have been delaying and ignoring the process; being alone, learning how to feel and be content with being alone, and eventully happy with being alone.
I thank my family, my friends for sending me unconditonal love and support throughout this journey and I thank you for those messages that can turn my mood around. Being reminded that I have amazing friends that care deeply and love me is a real life saver. Not to mention my family are always there in the background when I fall or stumble, to pick up all the pieces no matter what.
So my title is my mantra when I’m going through this turmoil on a Sunday, feelings are just visitors, they come and they go and tomorrow is Monday. A new day to wake up and move one step closer to making a positive step in the right direction.
For now though…it’s Sunday. Time to inhale and exhale those painful emotions that I have neglected.
L O O K A F T E R Y O U R M I N D B O D Y S P I R I T 💛