Not Dating.

Just to be clear, I am not dating and more to the point I don’t want to.  I’m not sure I ever will be ready, it makes me cringe just to think about dating other men or even going on a ‘first’ date. I don’t want to feel ‘on a stage’ with a pressure to impress anyone. I vow to not do that because if I’m destined to be with someone then it will just happen naturally and beautifully (this is a mantra I have to keep telling myself). #wakeup #fairy-tale

Maybe I should freeze my eggs.

I can’t believe I am communicating that with you all. Is that what this is about? Would I feel better about not dating if I could have some guarantee for a chance to child bear in the future, with a ‘no pressure/time limit’ labelled attached. I read a blog post on Women’s Health recently about three women of varying ages who had a fertility test. One was a 29 year old female who was advised to freeze her eggs, mainly due to her age. To add to this when I was married I remember seeing the GP for a general check up regarding my contraception. The GP, who was female by the way, advised I start trying for a baby and not to delay it, by the way this must have been a year and half ago so I was 27 years of age. She didn’t hear me when I told her that I wasn’t ready to have baby. Is this the message they should be conveying to young females? The simple answer is no.

About the topic of not dating. Which I am not. Can a female go out with a single male without it being a date? It’s a question I often ask myself, how do you know they aren’t labelling it as a date? Why is this important to me? Because people get hurt, and that’s not my game here. I really enjoy male company, not for attention, I just find the black/whiteness of male chat and behaviour more appealing and relaxing than the complexities I often find with being in the presence of females. I feel I am who I really am in the presence of male company.

So how do you know it is a date? Does paying for dinner count? Does a peck on the cheek goodbye count? Does not texting back after count? The politics of dating are just far to complex for me to be involved.

A guy named Todd (out of politeness this isn’t his real name) asked me out for coffee one Sunday a while back, I know of him and have seen him ‘about’ and also know mutual friends. Anyway we got talking through Instagram (as one does these days…well especially as I don’t operate on FB) and we decided a coffee would be a good idea. Well what can I say? I have never felt like I have wasted my time more than being in the presence of a bloke that is hungover one, two cannot stop yawning, three had no chat on him whatsoever, and four reminded of a typical football guy (much like my ex), so you can imagine…a no go!

Then tell me why exactly did I agreed to see him a second time for a meal at my local pub?! Another mistake and one I should have learnt from. What can I say? I like male company? No….that doesn’t apply here does it, I should have known better. The meal itself was nice, the conversation was barely average and….ok I’m going to go there…bill paying logistics are not complex are they? In my eyes they shouldn’t be. If a guy asks a you out then he should offer to pay, I am not advocating that the male SHOULD pay I am merely saying he should offer and be prepared to pay if you are that way inclined. I, however am not and would rather split the bill. Out of my own comfort. So when the lady with the card machine presented herself, Todd gave his card to pay, there was no ‘it’s ok I got this’, ‘I will pay’, ‘You get the next one’, ‘It’s my pleasure’…(? -laughable). Joking aside he said nothing so I offered to pay half of the bill with cash I had, he said nothing but merely almost out of self righteousness took the cash with no recognition of the blatant obvious rules of….you asked me out…or thanks?

Todd…you’ve blown it. What did I learn from this? Well I don’t want to date someone who gives me a sense of familiarity (many parallels to my ex), I also need a guy who takes charge and is comfortable doing that.

A close Greek family friend told me over the summer that I’m a Lion and instead of being with a guy who is like a mouse. I need a bear. Not another Lion to clash with but a different kind of dominant. And to me…

This makes perfect sense.



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